Day 21 and ready to be done!

Yes, I am ready to be done with this round! I just want real food, not crap, but the low carb, high good fat and protein like salmon and eggs, and some freaking cheese!

I did drop 1 whole pound last night and I give credit to the glass of red wine I had. Okay, so it was 2ish glasses of wine. I didn't have my fruit and had some wine. It was great and I really enjoyed it, though I'm sure it dehydrated me a bit, which was probably good because I was retaining water. So it all balanced out, right?

Today I am taking no HCG and still doing low cal for 2 days to get ready for my planned interruption for this weekend. I have to remember to not go crazy because I would like to drop those last 10lbs before I get off this round next week. I doubt it will happen, but would be nice!

Some things I keep forgetting to mention that other HCGers or future HCG dieters should know that helps me:

I take a B12 vitamin every day with 1,000mcg. I was told B12 helps with the cellular restructuring within your body so I take it. I also mark it down in my food diary book when I take it.

I also take a probiotic every day to help with the food, umm, digestion and extraction. I started taking probiotics awhile ago and noticed how much different I felt and how things moved along better in my body. I recommend Culturelle brand probiotics because it has 10billion cells. You want the highest possible billions to keep your food moving. :) This, along with fiber, will keep you regular! It's very important to keep waste moving out with the weight loss.

This is the exact box I have and use.


So I'm 210lbs and still have 40lbs to go. UGH...that sucks. But down 1/4 of my weight. That's good! This is such a roller coaster ride but, so far, it's worth it.

Day 20 and annoyed

I've been stalled again for 3 days. It's like I have 1lb drop then stay put for 3 days then drop .4, .2. UGH. It's annoying, frustrating and I just want to eat regular food now. After the wedding on Saturday I was fine and woke up to the 1lb drop on Sunday. But the past 2 days I'm stuck at the same weight.

I'm taking a planned interuption this weekend, though. Jumping off the HCG on Wednesday but eating VLC then and Thursday then eating P3 foods over the weekend as I'll be in Columbus at a hotel with friends. I thought about it, and there is no way I am hauling baggies of precooked food to a hotel and not going out to eat with my friends or even having a drink or two! It's a mini vacation and hopefully I won't gain over the weekend, but I'm going to jump right back on P2 on Monday for the last week. I timed it out so I can have time to do another round of HCG before my trip in September. If I even need it because I might be able to keep losing in the next couple of months without HCG.

This has been the most brutal thing I have done and I am ready for it to be done. If I was losing 1lb a day every day, I would be happy. But I'm following protocol and not seeing the results I expected. However, I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth and am happy I lost 16.4lbs in 20 days, I really had hoped to be down 20lbs by this week. I don't see me losing 4 lbs in the next 4 days, either.

I'm just frustrated and discouraged and want a REAL salad with ranch dressing and sunflower seeds! I don't even want crap. I just want a good salad!! And also red peppers, green peppers, onions, and mushrooms in a full egg omelet!

Maybe I shouldn't weight myself every day and go by every other day next round? Grr.

Cocoa Crack

I'm trying this today as I will need the boost after family crap. It's in the freezer right now and I tasted it...omg it just tasted good! I can't wait to see what it's like when it's done. :) I also wanted to be able to find this recipe again instead of searching for it so I'm posting it here more for me.


Put 2T. coconut oil in a micro safe bowl (I used a Corelle cereal bowl).
Heat 30 sec. It will be a liquid.
Add 1 rounded T. cocoa
1 T. organic peanut butter or almond butter (no sugar added). Stir.
Micro 30 sec.
Add 1 dropper of liquid Stevia vanilla creme
Add 1t. stevia powder.
Stir well.
Put the bowl in the freezer. After about 30 min, insert a knife at the edge of the bowl. Crack will "crack."

Day 17 total (day 15 VLC) and I unstalled!

So I finally dropped .4 after sitting at 213.8 for the past couple of days. And it's official: I have dropped 15lbs in 15 days! WOOHOO! Let's hope I can keep this up! No hunger either and I'm finding I have to practically choke down food and my water.
I'm hoping to stop by July 7th and move on to Phase 3 only because I have a vacation planned in September and I have to be at least moved on to Phase 3 in my second round by then. There's no way I'm going on vacation and only eating 500 calories and have to prepackage everything!

I'm going to a wedding today and that's going to try to mess me up. But I've got things planned to pack my dinner and try to sneak out and eat it or not stick around for the dinner there. Something. I'll figure it out, I guess.

That sucks because I love gatherings and getting all the food and drinking for free. The even worse news is I'm going to be surrounded by family so that's going to put even more stress on me to want to eat. :( I really do not want to go but it's my baby cousin's wedding. I'm not close to her anymore since she's had 3 kids. I can't relate to any of my cousins so I'm not close to anyone. I really don't like my family very much. No matter how much I have tried in the past, no matter how nice I am on the outside, I still feel like I am an outsider. My mother told me I have to love them because they are my family, but I learned I don't have to even try. They are people who I cannot connect with; I do not have to love anyone like that.

But anyways, in the last couple of days I received my Miracle Noodles, my Braggs's Liquid Aminos and Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar, and I am waiting on my Capella Flavor Drops so I can make better coffee and smoothies. And I also stopped at GNC to get some unflavored protein powder because I don't think I'm getting enough protein. It seems I've saved a lot of money getting healthy by not buying fast food every day of the week so I thought I could splurge a little and get the things I need to stay healthy.

They taste like rice noodles when you wash them and boil them right!

I had to share this as I have been having problems getting my coffee to taste right in the last 2 weeks. I need to have 1 good tasting cup of coffee a morning and today I finally did it with lots of thanks to my new awesome Ninja blender:

1 cup of coffee, 1 dash of peppermint extract, a dash of powdered stevia, 1 tbs of milk, 1 tbs of cocoa powder, a swish with my ninja and POOF: The best tasting peppermint mocha I have ever had! Way better than Starbucks.


I can't even believe how much easier this is getting. I also found a website with low carb recipes called Linda's Low Carb Menus and I cannot wait to try some of her desserts!

Well, since my phone cannot connect to my computer, I have no pictures to share that I took. I'll just grab some random stuff from the web and toss up here.
:)

The Liquid Aminos tastes just like soy sauce and the ACV is a bit brutal but worth it! I'm going to try an ACV rinse in my hair today. We'll see how that goes!



Well, hope everyone has a great weekend and wish me luck with my family today. *gulps*

Day 14, Day 12 VLCD Stuck.

And I am stalled. Yup. Stuck at pretty much the same weight for 3 days, give or take .2 lbs. I knew it was coming when I stopped running to the bathroom every half hour like I did the first week but I can say my dosage is finally right because I am no longer hungry. After dinner last night of just ground beef and lettuce I was SO full. And there really wasn't much to it. I know it's working, but I'm stalled which means my measurements should show a loss tomorrow but not the scale. I was going to have another hard boiled egg yesterday if I needed it, but honestly didn't want it. I was able to clean stalls without much problem, too. It's a bit depressing as I would really love to see the scale keep dropping significantly every day, but I'll be patient.


I had a dream last night I was at my old house in Columbus visiting my parents and went into the kitchen cupboard and grabbed a huge chocolate chip cookie. I ate it then remembered I was on a diet and then ran upstairs to check the scale and it said I gained 20lbs! Then the scale broke and I was really upset. Pretty obvious the meaning behind that. But I've also noticed that my dreams keep having my family in them. My brother was in the last 3 dreams and I haven't spoken to him since October 2001. My other brother has been in the background of my dreams but I'm not close to him either at all, but more so since he had the kids. My folks are there, not close to my dad at all either, and my mom is trying to help me in my dreams but keeps screwing things up for me. Like telling me where the cookie is, which is pretty much how that is in real life. Not close to her anymore, either, since I can't trust she won't hurt me again.

It's all just fucked up! And I feel like my insides are purging the bad through the dreams but I can't control how my family reacts to me! They have always pushed me away and made me feel insignificant and less of a person. I can't change how I feel, even if I look at the situation differently, because when I do, all I see is how selfish my family is with themselves. They haven't been there for me. The very few times (including with the divorce) in my life when they were there, they didn't know what to do! I was left all alone, crying with my mother telling me "I don't know how to help you." And my father clamming up every time I cried because HE didn't know what to do. Honestly, I don't know how I got through it. Friends, I guess. They aren't really here for me now when I need it again. As I'm not technically married again it's not a divorce I'm struggling through, but this has been far worse without the paperwork. It's like cutting the chord slowly, painfully, then reattaching it still broken. Then the process repeats all over again. It's torture and I feel like a battered woman, emotionally, not ever physically. If it was physical, it would be much worse. I keep telling myself that I left my husband for less, why do I stay here? They only answer is I have no other option because I can't afford to live on my own, I can't find more jobs because people are also broke and can't afford me, and finding another job wont pay me as much, even though I have been actively looking! I'm stuck. Stalled in life, too.


This blog is about me, my struggles including my weight. I've realized that it's not only genetics and poor food choices, but the stresses in my life that have allowed me to get this way. By being in control of one thing, I have to be in control of the others, or figure out a way to let it not effect me negatively again. I wish I made enough money to go to a shrink again. Having someone else in my corner would really help right now.

I've kept my mouth shut to all of my friends on facebook. They know something is wrong with me but only a few people have asked if I am okay. Which I said yes, or no, but no one ever pushes it or asks more questions. Like I said in a previous post, this is my last chance. The darkness will surround me and I'll have no other choice than to let it. If I can't get my weight and health figured out, and the shit in my head figured out, I have no other choice. I'm not one to give up so easily and that's what I'm doing now. But it's much worse than people can see past their own noses. Much worse.

Testing phone/blogger

Is this working?  Did the pic of my lunch load?  Hrmmm...

Will post a longer update when I get to my pc later. 

What the hell day am I on?

I have it written down as the date but not the VLC days.

Day 10 VLCD and total 12 days with loading. I dropped 1.2lb over night last night and I think it might have to do with I had ground beef for the first time and a litte bit more grams than usual. 117 instead of 100. I might need more protein to lose weight so I'm testing this theory out today. I hate my normal lunch of cucumbers and just shrimp. When I got home I had 1 hard boiled egg (omg, I missed eggs SO much! I love them!) and I'll have my regular dinner of chicken and maybe some asparagus.
The 5 drops seem to be helping keep me less hungry but it's still there. Like a dull pain but tolerable.

I did noticed my stamina is not the same. I clean stalls at a barn through the week. I shovel 2-3 stalls, depending on the mess, then have to haul manure to a trailer to pick up and dump it in. It's only hard to lift the bucket and toss it in the trailer on a usual day but today is was really challenging for me. I have been doing this for years so this is not new to my muscles but today was just tough. Another reason why I think I need more protein and maybe some good fat to help move things along. I'm drinking a lot of green tea and water today but not the same amount of pit stops as usual in the last week and less urgency to go. I can see a difference in my body, like it's rearranging itself and I've got tiny bumps on my face which is really only noticeable upclose. People on the forums say it's the toxins coming out of my skin. I can understand that. I'll do a mud mask or a green tea mask later and see if that helps the little bumps go away.

No much else to report. Still figuring out my phone, but I did download an app where I can update this using it, so I'll try it tomorrow.

My ticker way down below is updated. 12.4# lost in 10 days. Not bad but why can't I do the 2#/day loss more often so I can speed this along? I do have to look at it that I'm losing 5x more in a week than normal, so I guess I can't be too impatient. Would be nice to be able to look better sooner. :/ Meh.