Day 7-Day 5 VLCD

Not AS hungry as I was yesterday so I have to say I'm feeling better. I feel more focused today, though still out of it but not as bad. It's like the fog is lifting and dissipating slowly, though I wish it would go already! Today was a day I wanted to toss in the towel as I'm having some depression and my depression only makes me want to eat crap. So I'm fighting back the tears and drinking my giant mug of green tea, trying not to hate myself and think of myself as an utter failure in life. Without going into detail, as who wants to hear me complain about how shitty my life is anyways? I will say that I need better days ahead of me. I have to focus on that.

This is my giant "Mug O Rita" which was 64oz of margarita I got last summer at a place called Adobe Gilla's in Columbus. I honestly thought I would have gotten drunk from this, even sharing it with a friend, alas, we did not. Just goes to show how restaurants jip you! But I was told to drink half your weight in oz and this is the only portable big mug I can take with me to hold my green tea. I figured if I can get one of these down and then some, I'm in good shape! I put it on the table next to my fruit of grapefruit, oranges, and apples and bananas, not on protocol, but the boy eats them, to give you an idea of the size of my "Mug O Rita". It worked out good today but it has to sit in the passenger seat of my car. I debated buckling it in but if I put the lid on tight and jam my purse up to it, it doesn't go anywhere.

Oh, weight today, right. Not as good so I think it has something to do with the fact I added in a tiny bit of spinach, or even the beef broth or even the onions I used yesterday but I weighed in at 219.6 which is only a .4lb loss. :( Not happy about that since I have been feeling crappy and then I started feeling good after dinner! I'm even wondering if I have the right HCG or if it's bad or even working? I should have gone with yourhcg.com because they provide amazing customer support. :( The place I got mine from looked like the same company, the bottles being made in Denver, CO (Wheatridge, actually, which is a suburb of Denver. I have friends out that way so I know the area!) so I thought they looked legit. However, they want me to use their protein powder to supplement meals...which I didn't SEE that until they sent paperwork in the package with my bottle. I think I might have been screwed. We'll see and if it's a big deal, I'll send this bottle back and buy from yourhcg.com and keep going, I guess.
I'll wait until I can't stand it then figure it out. I'm saving a lot of money on my groceries and not eating out once a week or drinking, so I think I can afford a new bottle. However, I'm still broke as crap anyways. (hence, part of the depression)

Lunch was shrimp with cajun seasonings and some ACV along with half a cucumber with salt, pepper, and ACV. That Apple Cider Vinegar sure does help keep the meat tender. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows, but I do know we need ACV to help clear out the toxins in our bodies, keep us less hungry, and a whole slew of other reasons. All in my nice, pretty, pink box. :)

I think I'm going to bake my apple with cinnemon and have it as desert for a snack here in a bit. I know I saw a recipe for that somewhere. I also joined up on the HCG Diet Forums because I have been lurking around there for awhile. Thought it was time to join in on the fun.

ANNNND just lost power, briefly, for no reason, WHATSOEVER as it's bright and sunny outside!!! Thank you, blogger.com for the autosave as I only lost a little bit but I had a bunch of stuff running on my pc! It also takes my pc 10 minutes to freaking load because I need to clean it up...so annoying! THIS is the shit that happens to me everyday! Something that just screws with me enough for me to lose a bit of my sanity and want me to shove a needle in my eye!!


I just ate my freaking strawberries for a snack because I'm hungry, pissed off, upset, and I want real food right now!! UGGGGHHH!


I know, I know, I can't be like this all the time; angry, hateful, pissed off at the world because it's out to get me. Even if it isn't, it sure feels like it. There was a time I was happy, wasn't there? No, I think I was just delusional for maybe a year or two in thinking I was happy but I always knew deep down I wasn't. That's why I changed my life so dramatically. But I only lived with the unhappiness for about 2 years, a bit less maybe. I'm on year 4+ of complete unhappiness and it just feels like I am stuck.

I just feel like if I can get my weight back under control along with my financials then I can claw my way out again. I keep clawing and I keep getting handfuls of dirt. What's that tell me? I'm going insane. And all I want is a fucking piece of pizza.