My name is Renee and I'm currently 32 years old and weight..I'll post that later when I get a scale!
I've always been a fat kid. The tall. fat girl in school that turned into big boobs, an undesirable tummy, and no butt. I'm forever top heavy and I hate it. Really, big boobs are a curse when you have to deal with them your whole life! I celebrate my amazing eyes, fantastic legs (to a point) and great hair and skin, but like most women, I'm not happy. I'm not as healthy as I can be, either.
Now I'm an adult and there were a few short months of my life when I was at a desirable weight. I'm 5'10" and I should be about 150-170lbs. I'm thick boned, no really, so I'm more on the top of that chart, but when I'm 170, I look good! Size 9-10 jeans and very happy! So the 2 times in my life I was ideal was once before I met my ex husband at age 17 and once after our divorce when I was 24. Time, age, unhappiness, and stress have caught up with me.
I've decided it's again time to commit to getting healthy, get happy, and get stronger. It's time and this time needs to be the last time I let myself get out of hand. I figured blogging about my decision, going through with the process of losing the weight and talking about it would be the thing I need to keep myself motivated, as well as seeing my smaller clothes fit me. I need to hold myself accountable for what I do to my body. I know I'll never be perfect, I accept that. I don't have an eating disorder, because I can and often do eat what's good for my body. But I allow my self sabotaging to mold and shape and rationalize for me when I pick up crap food I know will effect me a lot easier than most people. I need to not let that happen as often as it has.
This year has been a lot tougher as I put a lot of weight back on in a short amount of time being under a lot of emotional stress and depression. I was a witness in a murder trial in March and it was the worst thing I've ever had to go through, though I needed to do it for the victim who I never met. Long story short, it took it's toll on me and my body. I was eating a lot of fast food, junk food, and drinking a lot of alcohol to suffocate my fear and depression. It only made me more upset in the long run, but I couldn't afford therapy so I go to the comfort of food.
But the rain has to stop sometime and the clouds must part to a sunny sky! I have to face the facts if I ever want to be happy again, I need to change a lot of what I do to myself, FOR myself. It's time to try again.
Let me pat myself on the back first and say I quit smoking this January and I haven't had once since! HURRAY! However much I thought I would need one or should have allowed myself to start again during the trial, I didn't. So I know if I can kick that habit in the balls, I can change my eating and exercising habits.
I started a few weeks ago cutting out all the diet pop and drinks from my diet and drinking green tea that I make in a jug with tea bags. I've been eating lots of eggs, almonds, fruits, and veggies while cutting out the excess garbage. I noticed I prepare more meals and pack my lunch every day. (and put it in my vintage My Little Pony lunchbox! Or my "pink box" as I like to call it! ZING!)
I've had a few slip ups. Today and yesterday were cook out birthday parties and well, I had cake and ice cream today. I know, it's terrible for me, and no rationalization here, but I wanted it. I wanted it because I'm starting a lower calorie diet this week.
That's all I'm going to say for today. I just want to get the ball rolling and keep at this blogging as a tool to help my weight loss and to a healthier, happier, thinner, sexier, and more beautiful me!
