What the hell day am I on?

I have it written down as the date but not the VLC days.

Day 10 VLCD and total 12 days with loading. I dropped 1.2lb over night last night and I think it might have to do with I had ground beef for the first time and a litte bit more grams than usual. 117 instead of 100. I might need more protein to lose weight so I'm testing this theory out today. I hate my normal lunch of cucumbers and just shrimp. When I got home I had 1 hard boiled egg (omg, I missed eggs SO much! I love them!) and I'll have my regular dinner of chicken and maybe some asparagus.
The 5 drops seem to be helping keep me less hungry but it's still there. Like a dull pain but tolerable.

I did noticed my stamina is not the same. I clean stalls at a barn through the week. I shovel 2-3 stalls, depending on the mess, then have to haul manure to a trailer to pick up and dump it in. It's only hard to lift the bucket and toss it in the trailer on a usual day but today is was really challenging for me. I have been doing this for years so this is not new to my muscles but today was just tough. Another reason why I think I need more protein and maybe some good fat to help move things along. I'm drinking a lot of green tea and water today but not the same amount of pit stops as usual in the last week and less urgency to go. I can see a difference in my body, like it's rearranging itself and I've got tiny bumps on my face which is really only noticeable upclose. People on the forums say it's the toxins coming out of my skin. I can understand that. I'll do a mud mask or a green tea mask later and see if that helps the little bumps go away.

No much else to report. Still figuring out my phone, but I did download an app where I can update this using it, so I'll try it tomorrow.

My ticker way down below is updated. 12.4# lost in 10 days. Not bad but why can't I do the 2#/day loss more often so I can speed this along? I do have to look at it that I'm losing 5x more in a week than normal, so I guess I can't be too impatient. Would be nice to be able to look better sooner. :/ Meh.

Day 7-Day 5 VLCD

Not AS hungry as I was yesterday so I have to say I'm feeling better. I feel more focused today, though still out of it but not as bad. It's like the fog is lifting and dissipating slowly, though I wish it would go already! Today was a day I wanted to toss in the towel as I'm having some depression and my depression only makes me want to eat crap. So I'm fighting back the tears and drinking my giant mug of green tea, trying not to hate myself and think of myself as an utter failure in life. Without going into detail, as who wants to hear me complain about how shitty my life is anyways? I will say that I need better days ahead of me. I have to focus on that.

This is my giant "Mug O Rita" which was 64oz of margarita I got last summer at a place called Adobe Gilla's in Columbus. I honestly thought I would have gotten drunk from this, even sharing it with a friend, alas, we did not. Just goes to show how restaurants jip you! But I was told to drink half your weight in oz and this is the only portable big mug I can take with me to hold my green tea. I figured if I can get one of these down and then some, I'm in good shape! I put it on the table next to my fruit of grapefruit, oranges, and apples and bananas, not on protocol, but the boy eats them, to give you an idea of the size of my "Mug O Rita". It worked out good today but it has to sit in the passenger seat of my car. I debated buckling it in but if I put the lid on tight and jam my purse up to it, it doesn't go anywhere.

Oh, weight today, right. Not as good so I think it has something to do with the fact I added in a tiny bit of spinach, or even the beef broth or even the onions I used yesterday but I weighed in at 219.6 which is only a .4lb loss. :( Not happy about that since I have been feeling crappy and then I started feeling good after dinner! I'm even wondering if I have the right HCG or if it's bad or even working? I should have gone with yourhcg.com because they provide amazing customer support. :( The place I got mine from looked like the same company, the bottles being made in Denver, CO (Wheatridge, actually, which is a suburb of Denver. I have friends out that way so I know the area!) so I thought they looked legit. However, they want me to use their protein powder to supplement meals...which I didn't SEE that until they sent paperwork in the package with my bottle. I think I might have been screwed. We'll see and if it's a big deal, I'll send this bottle back and buy from yourhcg.com and keep going, I guess.
I'll wait until I can't stand it then figure it out. I'm saving a lot of money on my groceries and not eating out once a week or drinking, so I think I can afford a new bottle. However, I'm still broke as crap anyways. (hence, part of the depression)

Lunch was shrimp with cajun seasonings and some ACV along with half a cucumber with salt, pepper, and ACV. That Apple Cider Vinegar sure does help keep the meat tender. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows, but I do know we need ACV to help clear out the toxins in our bodies, keep us less hungry, and a whole slew of other reasons. All in my nice, pretty, pink box. :)

I think I'm going to bake my apple with cinnemon and have it as desert for a snack here in a bit. I know I saw a recipe for that somewhere. I also joined up on the HCG Diet Forums because I have been lurking around there for awhile. Thought it was time to join in on the fun.

ANNNND just lost power, briefly, for no reason, WHATSOEVER as it's bright and sunny outside!!! Thank you, blogger.com for the autosave as I only lost a little bit but I had a bunch of stuff running on my pc! It also takes my pc 10 minutes to freaking load because I need to clean it up...so annoying! THIS is the shit that happens to me everyday! Something that just screws with me enough for me to lose a bit of my sanity and want me to shove a needle in my eye!!


I just ate my freaking strawberries for a snack because I'm hungry, pissed off, upset, and I want real food right now!! UGGGGHHH!


I know, I know, I can't be like this all the time; angry, hateful, pissed off at the world because it's out to get me. Even if it isn't, it sure feels like it. There was a time I was happy, wasn't there? No, I think I was just delusional for maybe a year or two in thinking I was happy but I always knew deep down I wasn't. That's why I changed my life so dramatically. But I only lived with the unhappiness for about 2 years, a bit less maybe. I'm on year 4+ of complete unhappiness and it just feels like I am stuck.

I just feel like if I can get my weight back under control along with my financials then I can claw my way out again. I keep clawing and I keep getting handfuls of dirt. What's that tell me? I'm going insane. And all I want is a fucking piece of pizza.

Day 2 eating VLC

..Very Low Cal. I'm learning the lingo and abbreviations used in some of the HCG forums!

So yeah. Last night after I wrote my update I started getting a massive headache. Right behind the eyes and I thought, great, here we go! I'm guessing it's the stress on my body with the drops and the food because I woke up to...223.6#! Holy crap in a basket! That's like 4 lbs in a day!

Meh, I'm not THAT excited yet. I'll be really excited to see my measurements next Thursday. I decided to do measurements once a week to see some results but happy to see the scale drop for once. We'll see.


I had the breadstick for the snack and drank some chamomile tea with Stevia to try to get rid of my headache. I decided to take a hot bath with sea salt to help pull out some toxins and that seemed to help slightly. I just felt off and fog headed. Still kinda foggy headed, though. I guess I didn't load well. :/ Next round on my load day I am chugging that freaking heavy cream!

I went to bed and was woken up after 2 hrs sleep by the boy...a fight ensued, it was ugly, and I went back to bed with my head still pounding. I got enough sleep to wake up to the 4 lb loss and so far today no headache, but it feels like it might come on or it's about to.

I had my breakfast of an orange and coffee again and lunch was a shrimp salad with romaine lettuce and a dressing of white vinegar, lemon juice, S&P, and garlic powder. With the damn breadstick on the side.

It was okay but not as filling as yesterday's meals. It wasn't as tasty either. I got the shrimp for this week but I don't think I want to do a salad again soon. I need more substance, I think.

Also, something to note, I have had to pee about every 30 min or so today. Drinking lots of green tea and I feel like a race horse! Good thing I got tp at the store this week, but trying to conserve as I'm using more than usual.

Then I've been doing my usual research on some HCG forums and discovered what people call "Cocoa Crack" which is cocoa powder and coconut oil and other ingredients. It's not P2 protocol with the oil, but one girl swears it helps get her out of her stalls. I'll get some if needed but what I did see were cocoa powder ideas and suddenly I wanted chocolate!

I jotted one recipe down and ran to my cupboard. Good thing I have cocoa powder! I tried to make it with Stevia and just not to my tastes so I used Splenda instead. Even though Splenda's not good for you, in small moderate doses like today, it's going to be fine.

So here's what I made:
3 TBS of cocoa powder
1 TBS (ish. I went by taste) of vanilla extract
1 packet of Splenda
3.5 TBS of water
a pinch of kosher salt
Mixed all in a glass bowl

Put this in the microwave on high for about 20-25 secs until it started bubbling. Then pulled it out and stirred until smooth.

HOLY YUM, Batman! I was like, I can have this? For Reals???
So for my fruit snack, I dipped my strawberries...nay, let them BATHE in the chocolate sauce and devoured each piece of fruit with ravenous delight! Yes, finally, I can get down with this! Though, I will not use it every day, it really made me feel much better today. I hope I still get the dramatic loss tomorrow. *crosses fingers* I can still taste the chocolate on my lips. Mmmm I will be keeping this recipe close!

Tonight will be chicken and asparagus which is already marinating in ACV (apple cider vinegar) with cumin and the usual S&P. I miss my EVOO and butter to cook stuff in. I'm looking forward to P3 so I can basically do the Atkins thing again. I am also craving mashed cauliflower which is like mashed potatoes but just as good.

I also realized today that I'm a bit hungry, but it's been more mental hunger than anything. I've caught myself in my head a few times going, Oh, I want Taco Bell. And I could just go into the fridge and eat some eggs and cheese, no big deal.
But it is a big deal! These thoughts feel just like the same thoughts I had when I kicked the smoking habit! The exact same! I would be in a situation like getting into my car and think, Oh, I need to light one up while a drive. It's the same nagging and pulling in my head like smoking. It's the food addiction, I know it. I talked to the boy about this and he said I would always complain I was "hungry" as soon as I got into the car. It makes a lot of sense. So I figured if I can kick the smoking habit, I can kick the food habit. It takes one solid week to get over the cravings then one more week to push the thoughts out of my head completely. I can do that, again. I know what to expect this time.

Maybe this is why people complain about being hungry all the time? Is it physical or is it mental? A lot of people complain in the first week. I would have to say, from my experience, this has got to be mental as you are kicking the food habit.


Have to run off to the bathroom again. Wow, I can't even type a little without getting up to go pee! I wonder what this week will be like?