It made it!

My package arrived in the mail, finally! Hurray!

So the cat's outta the bag. I'm doing the HCG diet protocol as discovered by Albert T. W. Simeons while he was working with prego women and some fat boys with pituitary problems in India.*

It's controversial, it's horrible, it's like religion, however, I'm looking at it the smart way. If I commit one month to eating better, getting fit, really, REALLY trying to get healthy, and I happen to lose weight in the process with this little bottle's help? I have to try it. I have to. That's why I'm keeping it to myself and this blog for now. Because I can't be fat anymore. It's ruining me. I feel like a beautiful thin person in here but what I show on the outside is just some tall, fat chick who happens to have a pretty face. "Potential". I don't want to BE potential anymore. I want to be how I feel inside. I know it's hard work, I know I can do it. I just need some help. And if this helps me, then screw all!

I want a slow motion entrance. In a beautiful red dress, nice high heels, perfect hair and make up. I want all the boys to stop and stare as I walk into a room.
Then I don't want anymore attention, but maybe it will never stop? I've complicated that way when I want it, I want it now and hard and fast and then...okay, go away. lol

I also would like to be able to wear a bikini in public for once in my life. And maybe actually continue with the Burlesque dancing I got into last year but this time with more self confidence and a better body for it!


Anyways, I've been researching. I know what I have to do and starting tomorrow, June 8th, 2011, it's a day closer to my slow motion entrance and bikini body. Tomorrow I will weigh and measure myself.

It all begins tomorrow. For the rest of my life.

Here's to getting healthy and trying to be happy!










ref: *HCG wiki*

Wednesday and no luck!

So far, no mail yet. Today it HAS to be in the mail. It was guaranteed delivery between 1-3 days and today is the third day. If I start tomorrow, that would be ideal because my first 2 days are load days. That means I get to eat whatever I want, as much as I can for 2 whole days. I'm a bit apprehensive about this because it seems counter productive from what I've tried to accomplish thus far, however, I am told this is what needs to happen so I don't feel sick the first week of the protocol. I've already said good bye to Taco Bell yesterday and today I had a McDouble from Mc'D's. But I want a Big Mac on one of my load days to say goodbye. Not that I eat a lot of that shit anymore anyways, but if I'm not going to have it for a long time, I want the taste fresh in my mind so I'll always remember how gross it made me feel. Today, I feel ick after sitting in a hot car and full of double cheeseburger.

I hope never to do this to my kids in the future!

So I will remember this feeling of icky fullness of greasy goo and try to think healthy and thin.

Tomorrow, if I'm starting the protocol, I want a cannoli and Friday I want cheesecake. I'm going to need to say goodbye to some chocolate, too. Maybe some ice cream. Then I'll be off to the local grocery store to buy my food items for the week. I just hope the boy will stay off my ass and not give me the third degree on trying to get healthy. He'll only make me feel worse, then I'll want to eat garbage foods again, then it's another vicious cycle. I also need to find a therapist soon, too. I have a lot of mental problems to work through and I know doing it by myself is very hard. But when the world feels against me, I push back. I persevere some how. Usually, it's hiding in a corner but this time I need to get out there and stand on my own. I think. :/