So the weekend was okay but I drank too much wine. I didn't eat anything I wasn't supposed to in phase 3 but I gained 3lbs. :( I was very disappointed as it will take me the rest of this week to MAYBE get rid of that 3 lbs I gained in 2 days! I wanted to be done and down to 200lbs this week but I might have to sit at 210 for 6 more weeks! I am just so pissed with myself and with this stupid program!
Or why am I freaking out about 3 lbs? Maybe if I would have suffered over the weekend and stuck to the plan I would have been DOWN 3 more lbs and closer to my goal? It just wasn't that great of a weekend and I feel like I missed out, I guess.
The friends that I thought were friends didn't feel like it and I didn't have fun like I was hoping and like I did last year. I felt fat, out of place, disgusting, and different. Friends aren't supposed to judge you, I know, but I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. I also had mini freak outs being around people I didn't know as well as being in a crowded space. I kept getting cold sweats down my spine and a sense of panic when I didn't have room around me. I would walk out of the room and leave and I was okay. I was also okay with a few friends but as soon as more than 5 people showed up chatting, I had to leave. I didn't realize I was becoming agoraphobic but I guess that's what it is.
I have a lot more to deal with than just my weight.
Showing posts with label protocal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label protocal. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
It made it!
My package arrived in the mail, finally! Hurray!
So the cat's outta the bag. I'm doing the HCG diet protocol as discovered by Albert T. W. Simeons while he was working with prego women and some fat boys with pituitary problems in India.*
It's controversial, it's horrible, it's like religion, however, I'm looking at it the smart way. If I commit one month to eating better, getting fit, really, REALLY trying to get healthy, and I happen to lose weight in the process with this little bottle's help? I have to try it. I have to. That's why I'm keeping it to myself and this blog for now. Because I can't be fat anymore. It's ruining me. I feel like a beautiful thin person in here but what I show on the outside is just some tall, fat chick who happens to have a pretty face. "Potential". I don't want to BE potential anymore. I want to be how I feel inside. I know it's hard work, I know I can do it. I just need some help. And if this helps me, then screw all!
I want a slow motion entrance. In a beautiful red dress, nice high heels, perfect hair and make up. I want all the boys to stop and stare as I walk into a room.
Then I don't want anymore attention, but maybe it will never stop? I've complicated that way when I want it, I want it now and hard and fast and then...okay, go away. lol
I also would like to be able to wear a bikini in public for once in my life. And maybe actually continue with the Burlesque dancing I got into last year but this time with more self confidence and a better body for it!
Anyways, I've been researching. I know what I have to do and starting tomorrow, June 8th, 2011, it's a day closer to my slow motion entrance and bikini body. Tomorrow I will weigh and measure myself.
It all begins tomorrow. For the rest of my life.
Here's to getting healthy and trying to be happy!
ref: *HCG wiki*
So the cat's outta the bag. I'm doing the HCG diet protocol as discovered by Albert T. W. Simeons while he was working with prego women and some fat boys with pituitary problems in India.*
It's controversial, it's horrible, it's like religion, however, I'm looking at it the smart way. If I commit one month to eating better, getting fit, really, REALLY trying to get healthy, and I happen to lose weight in the process with this little bottle's help? I have to try it. I have to. That's why I'm keeping it to myself and this blog for now. Because I can't be fat anymore. It's ruining me. I feel like a beautiful thin person in here but what I show on the outside is just some tall, fat chick who happens to have a pretty face. "Potential". I don't want to BE potential anymore. I want to be how I feel inside. I know it's hard work, I know I can do it. I just need some help. And if this helps me, then screw all!
I want a slow motion entrance. In a beautiful red dress, nice high heels, perfect hair and make up. I want all the boys to stop and stare as I walk into a room.
Then I don't want anymore attention, but maybe it will never stop? I've complicated that way when I want it, I want it now and hard and fast and then...okay, go away. lol
I also would like to be able to wear a bikini in public for once in my life. And maybe actually continue with the Burlesque dancing I got into last year but this time with more self confidence and a better body for it!
Anyways, I've been researching. I know what I have to do and starting tomorrow, June 8th, 2011, it's a day closer to my slow motion entrance and bikini body. Tomorrow I will weigh and measure myself.
It all begins tomorrow. For the rest of my life.
Here's to getting healthy and trying to be happy!
ref: *HCG wiki*
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