Wednesday and no luck!

So far, no mail yet. Today it HAS to be in the mail. It was guaranteed delivery between 1-3 days and today is the third day. If I start tomorrow, that would be ideal because my first 2 days are load days. That means I get to eat whatever I want, as much as I can for 2 whole days. I'm a bit apprehensive about this because it seems counter productive from what I've tried to accomplish thus far, however, I am told this is what needs to happen so I don't feel sick the first week of the protocol. I've already said good bye to Taco Bell yesterday and today I had a McDouble from Mc'D's. But I want a Big Mac on one of my load days to say goodbye. Not that I eat a lot of that shit anymore anyways, but if I'm not going to have it for a long time, I want the taste fresh in my mind so I'll always remember how gross it made me feel. Today, I feel ick after sitting in a hot car and full of double cheeseburger.

I hope never to do this to my kids in the future!

So I will remember this feeling of icky fullness of greasy goo and try to think healthy and thin.

Tomorrow, if I'm starting the protocol, I want a cannoli and Friday I want cheesecake. I'm going to need to say goodbye to some chocolate, too. Maybe some ice cream. Then I'll be off to the local grocery store to buy my food items for the week. I just hope the boy will stay off my ass and not give me the third degree on trying to get healthy. He'll only make me feel worse, then I'll want to eat garbage foods again, then it's another vicious cycle. I also need to find a therapist soon, too. I have a lot of mental problems to work through and I know doing it by myself is very hard. But when the world feels against me, I push back. I persevere some how. Usually, it's hiding in a corner but this time I need to get out there and stand on my own. I think. :/