I have it written down as the date but not the VLC days.
Day 10 VLCD and total 12 days with loading. I dropped 1.2lb over night last night and I think it might have to do with I had ground beef for the first time and a litte bit more grams than usual. 117 instead of 100. I might need more protein to lose weight so I'm testing this theory out today. I hate my normal lunch of cucumbers and just shrimp. When I got home I had 1 hard boiled egg (omg, I missed eggs SO much! I love them!) and I'll have my regular dinner of chicken and maybe some asparagus.
The 5 drops seem to be helping keep me less hungry but it's still there. Like a dull pain but tolerable.
I did noticed my stamina is not the same. I clean stalls at a barn through the week. I shovel 2-3 stalls, depending on the mess, then have to haul manure to a trailer to pick up and dump it in. It's only hard to lift the bucket and toss it in the trailer on a usual day but today is was really challenging for me. I have been doing this for years so this is not new to my muscles but today was just tough. Another reason why I think I need more protein and maybe some good fat to help move things along. I'm drinking a lot of green tea and water today but not the same amount of pit stops as usual in the last week and less urgency to go. I can see a difference in my body, like it's rearranging itself and I've got tiny bumps on my face which is really only noticeable upclose. People on the forums say it's the toxins coming out of my skin. I can understand that. I'll do a mud mask or a green tea mask later and see if that helps the little bumps go away.
No much else to report. Still figuring out my phone, but I did download an app where I can update this using it, so I'll try it tomorrow.
My ticker way down below is updated. 12.4# lost in 10 days. Not bad but why can't I do the 2#/day loss more often so I can speed this along? I do have to look at it that I'm losing 5x more in a week than normal, so I guess I can't be too impatient. Would be nice to be able to look better sooner. :/ Meh.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Yesterday and today
And the day before were very trying on my emotions. Let's just say I think crying makes me retain water because I'm at 216.2# for the past 2 days without cheating or anything. Or maybe I just hit my stall? It's supposed to happen when the abnormal fat cells are depleted and the body stores water in them before they are destroyed. Let's just hope that's it and I'm just retaining the water in the fat cells.
I've been keeping track of my food in a food diary but haven't eaten anything interesting or off protocol. I did have chicken and celery soup for lunch yesterday and I was feeling some hunger. I dropped my dosage down to 5 drops 6 times a day, and voila! No hunger. Or maybe my body is finally getting adjusted to the HCG? I do feel much better today, if not drained from lack of sleep from crazy emotional roller coaster ride that I don't even want to go into.
It also didn't help that I read Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen in one day and watched the movie today. I'm a sucker for a good animal story, but I hate the cruelty that humans are capable of doing. It's a great movie and even better book. I highly recommend it.
I got a new phone yesterday and so I have not taken any pictures with it. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll have it figured out and new pics uploaded here.
Have a good rest of the weekend!
I've been keeping track of my food in a food diary but haven't eaten anything interesting or off protocol. I did have chicken and celery soup for lunch yesterday and I was feeling some hunger. I dropped my dosage down to 5 drops 6 times a day, and voila! No hunger. Or maybe my body is finally getting adjusted to the HCG? I do feel much better today, if not drained from lack of sleep from crazy emotional roller coaster ride that I don't even want to go into.
It also didn't help that I read Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen in one day and watched the movie today. I'm a sucker for a good animal story, but I hate the cruelty that humans are capable of doing. It's a great movie and even better book. I highly recommend it.
I got a new phone yesterday and so I have not taken any pictures with it. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll have it figured out and new pics uploaded here.
Have a good rest of the weekend!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day 9 VLCD
Today has been better than yesterday. Hunger pains are about gone and I'm feeling almost 100%. I think that 7 drops a day dosage is working and if I don't improve in 2 days, I'm backing down the dosage.
Yesterday was an interesting experience. I wanted to get a blender to make smoothies, just to give me something else to curb the craving of ice cream and such. So I went to Walmart, got the blender then thought I'd look around for some extracts but ended up walking down every isle practically drooling at all the food I couldn't have. It was almost hysterical in an insane kind of way as I looked at cookies, nope, can't have those. Then chips, nope can't have those! To salad dressings and really, REALLY wanting ranch dressing! I had a mental image of myself sprawled on my back in the middle of isle 12 in Walmart, covered in opened boxes of crackers, cookies, and croutons, covered in ranch dressing and passed out!
Then I sighed, counted to ten, let my tummy rumble as I picked up some apples and cilantro and headed for the counter.
Now, I don't know about ya'll, but for some reason my Walmart has 20 billion lanes with only 2 regular ones open and 1 ten item or less and 1 20 item or less opened! Annoying, especially when I was about to have a carb attack!
As I waited and watched this uber thin woman in front of me, maybe about my age, with one kid on her hip and another in her shopping cart I started to sweat. I tried not to look at the candy and focused on how I wanted to be like this chick in front of me when I have kids one day. I grabbed a bottled water while waiting and really debated opening it up before I got to the register. My back was getting hot and sticky as I could smell the chocolate candy in front of me! My sense of smell has improved 10 fold. Like when I noticed it after quitting smoking, too, but this makes it worse because I can't HAVE anything! UGH.
Regardless of my mild attack, I made it out of Walmart only slightly dizzy and to my car where I downed the whole water bottle. I felt better.
I get home and opened my new blender, cleaned it out, tossed in some strawberries, powdered stevia, and a tiny bit of coconut extract and HEAVEN!
The ice was perfect smoothy/slushy mixture and it tasted like a strawberry pina colada! I really, really needed that!
Here's the awesome Ninja blender I got:
Pretty cheap and it has a blender part and a little mixing bowl part if you want to do some food processing. I'll probably make my salsa in it tomorrow but I just wanted it for the ice chopping!
Oh, yes, my weight for the day is 216.8 which is a -1.4lb drop overnight. :) I'm pretty happy about that. :D
Lunch yesterday was tilapia on a bed of spinach and dinner was cajun style shrimp with raw celery. I didn't know how much celery to have, so I just grabbed like 5 stalks. I was hungry by dinner!
Today's lunch was veal on the go and cucumbers with my apple for breakfast and my usual cup of coffee. I did stop at Mustard Seed Market which is this big, fancy, slightly pretentious organic food store and got some Vanilla Creme liquid stevia.
(which was $14 btw! WTH? Too expensive!) I'm going to try it in my coffee tomorrow as everyone says it's great in coffee. I think I might try it in a strawberry smoothie for my snack today.
Some random things I was thinking about this HCG diet as I was driving around today: I'm on a birth control called Reclipsen which allows me to skip my periods up to 3 in a row so I don't have to worry about that dreaded "time of the month" like most women. I'm happy about that!
I adjusted my drops up 1 extra drop per dose, but people say to decrease your drops if you're feeling ick. If I am after this weekend, I'm dropping them down to 5 drops 6 times a day.
I'm drinking only coffee, water, and my slushy today. No green tea. I want to see how it effects me with out the green tea. Tomorrow I'll drink it again, but someone said on the forums you want the majority of your liquids to be just plain water.
I noticed a difference in how I looked today when I was going to the bathroom in the store. I can see it gone in my belly, with my sides and top belly fat shrinking and my boobs. Would love to get the fat off my arms, soon. Legs, I can cover them as it's not terrible. I have muscular legs from all the walking and dancing I've done. I am looking forward to taking more dance lessons as soon as I can. Also, I need to read up how long I should be on P3 before I jump into round 2. Or do I have to do P3 and P4? (adding of more foods then adding of sugars and starches) I need to figure that out. I updated my ticker all the way at the bottom of this blog...10.6 pounds lost and 57 to go. I'm going to be happy when I at least get this 34lbs off. A few more weeks, maybe?
Yesterday was an interesting experience. I wanted to get a blender to make smoothies, just to give me something else to curb the craving of ice cream and such. So I went to Walmart, got the blender then thought I'd look around for some extracts but ended up walking down every isle practically drooling at all the food I couldn't have. It was almost hysterical in an insane kind of way as I looked at cookies, nope, can't have those. Then chips, nope can't have those! To salad dressings and really, REALLY wanting ranch dressing! I had a mental image of myself sprawled on my back in the middle of isle 12 in Walmart, covered in opened boxes of crackers, cookies, and croutons, covered in ranch dressing and passed out!
Then I sighed, counted to ten, let my tummy rumble as I picked up some apples and cilantro and headed for the counter.
Now, I don't know about ya'll, but for some reason my Walmart has 20 billion lanes with only 2 regular ones open and 1 ten item or less and 1 20 item or less opened! Annoying, especially when I was about to have a carb attack!
As I waited and watched this uber thin woman in front of me, maybe about my age, with one kid on her hip and another in her shopping cart I started to sweat. I tried not to look at the candy and focused on how I wanted to be like this chick in front of me when I have kids one day. I grabbed a bottled water while waiting and really debated opening it up before I got to the register. My back was getting hot and sticky as I could smell the chocolate candy in front of me! My sense of smell has improved 10 fold. Like when I noticed it after quitting smoking, too, but this makes it worse because I can't HAVE anything! UGH.
Regardless of my mild attack, I made it out of Walmart only slightly dizzy and to my car where I downed the whole water bottle. I felt better.
I get home and opened my new blender, cleaned it out, tossed in some strawberries, powdered stevia, and a tiny bit of coconut extract and HEAVEN!
The ice was perfect smoothy/slushy mixture and it tasted like a strawberry pina colada! I really, really needed that!
Here's the awesome Ninja blender I got:
Oh, yes, my weight for the day is 216.8 which is a -1.4lb drop overnight. :) I'm pretty happy about that. :D
Lunch yesterday was tilapia on a bed of spinach and dinner was cajun style shrimp with raw celery. I didn't know how much celery to have, so I just grabbed like 5 stalks. I was hungry by dinner!
Today's lunch was veal on the go and cucumbers with my apple for breakfast and my usual cup of coffee. I did stop at Mustard Seed Market which is this big, fancy, slightly pretentious organic food store and got some Vanilla Creme liquid stevia.
Some random things I was thinking about this HCG diet as I was driving around today: I'm on a birth control called Reclipsen which allows me to skip my periods up to 3 in a row so I don't have to worry about that dreaded "time of the month" like most women. I'm happy about that!
I adjusted my drops up 1 extra drop per dose, but people say to decrease your drops if you're feeling ick. If I am after this weekend, I'm dropping them down to 5 drops 6 times a day.
I'm drinking only coffee, water, and my slushy today. No green tea. I want to see how it effects me with out the green tea. Tomorrow I'll drink it again, but someone said on the forums you want the majority of your liquids to be just plain water.
I noticed a difference in how I looked today when I was going to the bathroom in the store. I can see it gone in my belly, with my sides and top belly fat shrinking and my boobs. Would love to get the fat off my arms, soon. Legs, I can cover them as it's not terrible. I have muscular legs from all the walking and dancing I've done. I am looking forward to taking more dance lessons as soon as I can. Also, I need to read up how long I should be on P3 before I jump into round 2. Or do I have to do P3 and P4? (adding of more foods then adding of sugars and starches) I need to figure that out. I updated my ticker all the way at the bottom of this blog...10.6 pounds lost and 57 to go. I'm going to be happy when I at least get this 34lbs off. A few more weeks, maybe?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Day 8 VLCD6 and...
I feel MUCH better today! I think it had to do with I added another drop to my dosage and I was getting over my physical addiciton and crankiness. I think it's kicking in today!
Woke up to 218.4# which is a 1.2 # loss since yesterday! Hurray! Also today is measurement day (I'm doing it every week on Thursday since I started on Thursday) and it's as follows:
W: 44in B: 43in Hips: 45in No change in my arms and legs yet, though they feel a bit different. That's 2in off my waist, 4inch off my bust, and none from my hips yet. Can you tell I need to lose it more in my tummy and boobs? However, I feel good about this now. I was skeptical and yesterday was a trying day but it seemed to really pay off after only 1 week of hard work.
If it's hard then it's worth it! That phrase has gotten me through a lot of tough times in my past. I can do this because it's hard and rewarding in the end!
Last night I was so grumpy about food, while I sipped my chamomile tea and watched So You Think You Can Dance for 2 hours I kept track of every single food commercial. Neurotic, I know, but I was also curious as to the brainwashing, errr advertising we get constantly.
Wendy's x3
Can't Believe It's Not Butter
Kit Kat x2
Olive Garden x2
Subway
McDonald's x3
Magnum Ice Cream x2
Red Lobster
Reeses's PB cups minis
Taco Bell
Jello
Chili's
Panera Bread
And even 2 non food commercials LOADED with close ups of food to tempt me: LG Appliances and Charter One Bank
It's interesting, isn't it? In 2 hours I was bombarded with poor food choices on tv and if I wasn't conscious of my food decisions (okay, desperately craving bad foods!) then I wouldn't have noticed the advertising and brainwashing being done.
All of these foods are not good for you. Either high in fat, sugar, processed foods, man-made ingredients, and not healthy foods, at least, that's not what they are advertising directly!
I loved Subway's the best because they are making you believe you are making a healthy choice by adding avocado to their menu. *snorts* Sure, you can go in there and get a salad with all of their..."fresh" vegetables that come from a bag or jar, (I know this because I've had friends that work at Subway and won't eat there ever again!) and don't get me started on their processed meats! Twist the truth anyway you want, Subway, but I don't buy it and I won't again! Remember that whole Jared thing? Yeah, I loved that. Get one guy in a billion to say he lost weight losing their food and make him your spokes person and instant star overnight! Oh, he's a real person, he did it eating Subway, now you can, too! But the normal person goes in, buys a whole sub, cookies, chips, and a fountain drink and don't do the low fat choice. Why would they? That would be HARD to make that decision alone when you are bombarded by advertising to eat more than you need every day!
And it's not just Subway. Wendy's was advertising their Berry Almond Chicken Salad which has 450 calories, 16g of fat, 42 carbs, 30 sugars, but high in vitamin C, A and protein. Sure, it might be a healthier choice, but then you have to add the human factor into it. Maybe I'm paranoid, or getting more paranoid, but it's hard for me to trust fast food workers anymore. (A friend of mine found a piece of chewed gum in her salad from a well known fast food place. Will not say where!)
I honestly now prefer to make and prepare my own food. That way I know what I'm getting into my body and making a better choice for myself instead of someone making it for me.
Speaking of which, I had a great breakfast of sliced apples that tasted like apple pie!
I combined the juice of 1/2 lemon, a capful of ACV, a small dash of imitation vanilla, a dash of stevia, some cinnamon and nutmeg, and put it in the microwave for 20 seconds. Then I coated the apples in the mixture, then poured the rest on top of the plate and nuked it again for another 30 seconds. SO GOOD I can't even tell you! Just try it yourself.
I also needed to up my coffee since I like coffee with my creamer, not vice versa.
I added 1 TBS of cocoa powder, a dash of vanilla, 1 TBS of our allotted milk, and stevia and mixed it together with my coffee! MUCH better. Like a mocha which I really needed today. Going to make lunch in a bit and I'm not hungry! YES!
Today is a better day. :D
Woke up to 218.4# which is a 1.2 # loss since yesterday! Hurray! Also today is measurement day (I'm doing it every week on Thursday since I started on Thursday) and it's as follows:
W: 44in B: 43in Hips: 45in No change in my arms and legs yet, though they feel a bit different. That's 2in off my waist, 4inch off my bust, and none from my hips yet. Can you tell I need to lose it more in my tummy and boobs? However, I feel good about this now. I was skeptical and yesterday was a trying day but it seemed to really pay off after only 1 week of hard work.
If it's hard then it's worth it! That phrase has gotten me through a lot of tough times in my past. I can do this because it's hard and rewarding in the end!
Last night I was so grumpy about food, while I sipped my chamomile tea and watched So You Think You Can Dance for 2 hours I kept track of every single food commercial. Neurotic, I know, but I was also curious as to the brainwashing, errr advertising we get constantly.
Wendy's x3
Can't Believe It's Not Butter
Kit Kat x2
Olive Garden x2
Subway
McDonald's x3
Magnum Ice Cream x2
Red Lobster
Reeses's PB cups minis
Taco Bell
Jello
Chili's
Panera Bread
And even 2 non food commercials LOADED with close ups of food to tempt me: LG Appliances and Charter One Bank
It's interesting, isn't it? In 2 hours I was bombarded with poor food choices on tv and if I wasn't conscious of my food decisions (okay, desperately craving bad foods!) then I wouldn't have noticed the advertising and brainwashing being done.
All of these foods are not good for you. Either high in fat, sugar, processed foods, man-made ingredients, and not healthy foods, at least, that's not what they are advertising directly!
I loved Subway's the best because they are making you believe you are making a healthy choice by adding avocado to their menu. *snorts* Sure, you can go in there and get a salad with all of their..."fresh" vegetables that come from a bag or jar, (I know this because I've had friends that work at Subway and won't eat there ever again!) and don't get me started on their processed meats! Twist the truth anyway you want, Subway, but I don't buy it and I won't again! Remember that whole Jared thing? Yeah, I loved that. Get one guy in a billion to say he lost weight losing their food and make him your spokes person and instant star overnight! Oh, he's a real person, he did it eating Subway, now you can, too! But the normal person goes in, buys a whole sub, cookies, chips, and a fountain drink and don't do the low fat choice. Why would they? That would be HARD to make that decision alone when you are bombarded by advertising to eat more than you need every day!
And it's not just Subway. Wendy's was advertising their Berry Almond Chicken Salad which has 450 calories, 16g of fat, 42 carbs, 30 sugars, but high in vitamin C, A and protein. Sure, it might be a healthier choice, but then you have to add the human factor into it. Maybe I'm paranoid, or getting more paranoid, but it's hard for me to trust fast food workers anymore. (A friend of mine found a piece of chewed gum in her salad from a well known fast food place. Will not say where!)
I honestly now prefer to make and prepare my own food. That way I know what I'm getting into my body and making a better choice for myself instead of someone making it for me.
Speaking of which, I had a great breakfast of sliced apples that tasted like apple pie!
I combined the juice of 1/2 lemon, a capful of ACV, a small dash of imitation vanilla, a dash of stevia, some cinnamon and nutmeg, and put it in the microwave for 20 seconds. Then I coated the apples in the mixture, then poured the rest on top of the plate and nuked it again for another 30 seconds. SO GOOD I can't even tell you! Just try it yourself.
I also needed to up my coffee since I like coffee with my creamer, not vice versa.
I added 1 TBS of cocoa powder, a dash of vanilla, 1 TBS of our allotted milk, and stevia and mixed it together with my coffee! MUCH better. Like a mocha which I really needed today. Going to make lunch in a bit and I'm not hungry! YES!
Today is a better day. :D
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Day 7-Day 5 VLCD
Not AS hungry as I was yesterday so I have to say I'm feeling better. I feel more focused today, though still out of it but not as bad. It's like the fog is lifting and dissipating slowly, though I wish it would go already! Today was a day I wanted to toss in the towel as I'm having some depression and my depression only makes me want to eat crap. So I'm fighting back the tears and drinking my giant mug of green tea, trying not to hate myself and think of myself as an utter failure in life. Without going into detail, as who wants to hear me complain about how shitty my life is anyways? I will say that I need better days ahead of me. I have to focus on that.
This is my giant "Mug O Rita" which was 64oz of margarita I got last summer at a place called Adobe Gilla's in Columbus. I honestly thought I would have gotten drunk from this, even sharing it with a friend, alas, we did not. Just goes to show how restaurants jip you! But I was told to drink half your weight in oz and this is the only portable big mug I can take with me to hold my green tea. I figured if I can get one of these down and then some, I'm in good shape! I put it on the table next to my fruit of grapefruit, oranges, and apples and bananas, not on protocol, but the boy eats them, to give you an idea of the size of my "Mug O Rita". It worked out good today but it has to sit in the passenger seat of my car. I debated buckling it in but if I put the lid on tight and jam my purse up to it, it doesn't go anywhere.
Oh, weight today, right. Not as good so I think it has something to do with the fact I added in a tiny bit of spinach, or even the beef broth or even the onions I used yesterday but I weighed in at 219.6 which is only a .4lb loss. :( Not happy about that since I have been feeling crappy and then I started feeling good after dinner! I'm even wondering if I have the right HCG or if it's bad or even working? I should have gone with yourhcg.com because they provide amazing customer support. :( The place I got mine from looked like the same company, the bottles being made in Denver, CO (Wheatridge, actually, which is a suburb of Denver. I have friends out that way so I know the area!) so I thought they looked legit. However, they want me to use their protein powder to supplement meals...which I didn't SEE that until they sent paperwork in the package with my bottle. I think I might have been screwed. We'll see and if it's a big deal, I'll send this bottle back and buy from yourhcg.com and keep going, I guess.
I'll wait until I can't stand it then figure it out. I'm saving a lot of money on my groceries and not eating out once a week or drinking, so I think I can afford a new bottle. However, I'm still broke as crap anyways. (hence, part of the depression)
Lunch was shrimp with cajun seasonings and some ACV along with half a cucumber with salt, pepper, and ACV. That Apple Cider Vinegar sure does help keep the meat tender. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows, but I do know we need ACV to help clear out the toxins in our bodies, keep us less hungry, and a whole slew of other reasons. All in my nice, pretty, pink box. :)
I think I'm going to bake my apple with cinnemon and have it as desert for a snack here in a bit. I know I saw a recipe for that somewhere. I also joined up on the HCG Diet Forums because I have been lurking around there for awhile. Thought it was time to join in on the fun.
ANNNND just lost power, briefly, for no reason, WHATSOEVER as it's bright and sunny outside!!! Thank you, blogger.com for the autosave as I only lost a little bit but I had a bunch of stuff running on my pc! It also takes my pc 10 minutes to freaking load because I need to clean it up...so annoying! THIS is the shit that happens to me everyday! Something that just screws with me enough for me to lose a bit of my sanity and want me to shove a needle in my eye!!
I just ate my freaking strawberries for a snack because I'm hungry, pissed off, upset, and I want real food right now!! UGGGGHHH!
I know, I know, I can't be like this all the time; angry, hateful, pissed off at the world because it's out to get me. Even if it isn't, it sure feels like it. There was a time I was happy, wasn't there? No, I think I was just delusional for maybe a year or two in thinking I was happy but I always knew deep down I wasn't. That's why I changed my life so dramatically. But I only lived with the unhappiness for about 2 years, a bit less maybe. I'm on year 4+ of complete unhappiness and it just feels like I am stuck.
I just feel like if I can get my weight back under control along with my financials then I can claw my way out again. I keep clawing and I keep getting handfuls of dirt. What's that tell me? I'm going insane. And all I want is a fucking piece of pizza.
Oh, weight today, right. Not as good so I think it has something to do with the fact I added in a tiny bit of spinach, or even the beef broth or even the onions I used yesterday but I weighed in at 219.6 which is only a .4lb loss. :( Not happy about that since I have been feeling crappy and then I started feeling good after dinner! I'm even wondering if I have the right HCG or if it's bad or even working? I should have gone with yourhcg.com because they provide amazing customer support. :( The place I got mine from looked like the same company, the bottles being made in Denver, CO (Wheatridge, actually, which is a suburb of Denver. I have friends out that way so I know the area!) so I thought they looked legit. However, they want me to use their protein powder to supplement meals...which I didn't SEE that until they sent paperwork in the package with my bottle. I think I might have been screwed. We'll see and if it's a big deal, I'll send this bottle back and buy from yourhcg.com and keep going, I guess.
I'll wait until I can't stand it then figure it out. I'm saving a lot of money on my groceries and not eating out once a week or drinking, so I think I can afford a new bottle. However, I'm still broke as crap anyways. (hence, part of the depression)
Lunch was shrimp with cajun seasonings and some ACV along with half a cucumber with salt, pepper, and ACV. That Apple Cider Vinegar sure does help keep the meat tender. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself? Who knows, but I do know we need ACV to help clear out the toxins in our bodies, keep us less hungry, and a whole slew of other reasons. All in my nice, pretty, pink box. :)
I think I'm going to bake my apple with cinnemon and have it as desert for a snack here in a bit. I know I saw a recipe for that somewhere. I also joined up on the HCG Diet Forums because I have been lurking around there for awhile. Thought it was time to join in on the fun.
ANNNND just lost power, briefly, for no reason, WHATSOEVER as it's bright and sunny outside!!! Thank you, blogger.com for the autosave as I only lost a little bit but I had a bunch of stuff running on my pc! It also takes my pc 10 minutes to freaking load because I need to clean it up...so annoying! THIS is the shit that happens to me everyday! Something that just screws with me enough for me to lose a bit of my sanity and want me to shove a needle in my eye!!
I just ate my freaking strawberries for a snack because I'm hungry, pissed off, upset, and I want real food right now!! UGGGGHHH!
I know, I know, I can't be like this all the time; angry, hateful, pissed off at the world because it's out to get me. Even if it isn't, it sure feels like it. There was a time I was happy, wasn't there? No, I think I was just delusional for maybe a year or two in thinking I was happy but I always knew deep down I wasn't. That's why I changed my life so dramatically. But I only lived with the unhappiness for about 2 years, a bit less maybe. I'm on year 4+ of complete unhappiness and it just feels like I am stuck.
I just feel like if I can get my weight back under control along with my financials then I can claw my way out again. I keep clawing and I keep getting handfuls of dirt. What's that tell me? I'm going insane. And all I want is a fucking piece of pizza.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Day 6 But Day 4 of VLCD
I've felt better. And worse. Mostly today I've felt out of it but no headaches, no dizziness and only hungry this morning. I decided to cut the bread sticks today. If they were causing my serious hunger then I don't want them. Will only be able to tell how I feel tomorrow. I've also increased my drops to 7 drops/6 times a day instead of 6 drops. And I'm trying to hold them under my tongue for a few minutes and not eating or drinking anything for at least 15 minutes. It's all trial and error to find out what works best for my body.
Today woke up to 220.0# which was a -1.6lb loss since yesterday. I was hoping for another 2lb+ loss but I'm still getting used to this. 1lb+ a day is good, from what I've read.
Breakfast was half a grapefruit and I made my lunch of chicken and my version of salsa again. Since I'm on the go around lunch time during the week, this worked out pretty good today.
Felt satisfied after lunch but still weak and out of it until around dinner time.
For dinner I wanted soup so I cooked some onions, 3 large stalks of celery in a pan with some ACV, spices, and some beef broth until it was tender. Then I added 2 cups of beef broth and my veal chunks to make like a beef stew. I also tossed in a tiny bit of spinach just to add something else to the soup. It was tasty and I'm still full for the last 2 hours. That's finally a good sign!
I'll have an orange here in a bit for a snack and we'll see what tomorrow brings.
So far, I think this might work but I need to feel a little bit more normal to make me feel better about doing this protocol.
I really want Hostess cupcakes, and a glass of wine, and mashed potatoes, and pizza. I never want pizza, but today it sounds so freaking good! Everywhere I go, I see food I can't have. On tv, driving by restaurants, opening my fridge, in my mind, in my dreams (I had dreams about eating bacon and spitting it out just so I could have the taste in my mouth!)
I can almost taste the cupcake...uhhhhhghhhhghgh!!
But....
I have to beat this addiction and learn how to handle food not as an escape, but for nutrition, for my body, and to live better.
Today woke up to 220.0# which was a -1.6lb loss since yesterday. I was hoping for another 2lb+ loss but I'm still getting used to this. 1lb+ a day is good, from what I've read.
Breakfast was half a grapefruit and I made my lunch of chicken and my version of salsa again. Since I'm on the go around lunch time during the week, this worked out pretty good today.
Felt satisfied after lunch but still weak and out of it until around dinner time.
For dinner I wanted soup so I cooked some onions, 3 large stalks of celery in a pan with some ACV, spices, and some beef broth until it was tender. Then I added 2 cups of beef broth and my veal chunks to make like a beef stew. I also tossed in a tiny bit of spinach just to add something else to the soup. It was tasty and I'm still full for the last 2 hours. That's finally a good sign!
I'll have an orange here in a bit for a snack and we'll see what tomorrow brings.
So far, I think this might work but I need to feel a little bit more normal to make me feel better about doing this protocol.
I really want Hostess cupcakes, and a glass of wine, and mashed potatoes, and pizza. I never want pizza, but today it sounds so freaking good! Everywhere I go, I see food I can't have. On tv, driving by restaurants, opening my fridge, in my mind, in my dreams (I had dreams about eating bacon and spitting it out just so I could have the taste in my mouth!)
But....
I have to beat this addiction and learn how to handle food not as an escape, but for nutrition, for my body, and to live better.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day 5 and chugging along
Though I am having serious hunger pains, dizziness and foggy headed today. It's gotten better through. I know the difference between when my tummy is empty and wanting to eat something but I am battling both pains. One is physical and one is mental. This is tough but I'm pushing through!
Last night I had chicken and asparagus which was tasty and satisfying. I ate my breadstick for a snack and sat down to watch tv. Food has always been present in front of the tv, as I'm sure with most homes, but last night I didn't have a craving to stuff my face with crap while watching Game of Thrones so I have to say that's a success so far!
This morning, woke up to pee, took my drops, and checked the scale: 221.6#!! That's 2lbs in a day! :) I'm hoping for 2 more overnight as I've peed just as much today as I did yesterday. I might get excited more tomorrow morning if I see another 2 lb drop. Might. I'm still thinking this could be just a scam and I'm starving myself slowly. I was just so hungry this morning and this afternoon! No headaches, though.
For lunch I cooked veal at home, packaged it up with some cucumbers, and a breadstick in my MLP lunchbox. I also cut up an apple and ate it on my way to the barn. Also, it's a good thing I have a giant coffee mug to take green tea with me, but I found I drank it too fast and had to fill it up with water. I was just so hungry that I kept drinking! I hope that hunger feeling goes away tomorrow. Where's the feeling of "euphoria" as described in Pounds & Inches? I'm kicking myself in the ass for not drinking that cream as Linda advised on the YourHCG boards on facebook. I will remember to really, REALLY load up next time.
I had more chocolate sauce and strawberries for a snack today. I thought I'm safe if I had a 2lb drop from yesterday. It was just so good to have chocolate that it made me feel better! I was less hungry for dinner.
Just ate dinner of asparagus and white fish, tilapia with this really good seasoning I found at Aldi's today.
I almost forgot to take a picture for today but took one after a few bites into dinner.
I just ate a bit ago but my tummy says I'm hungry still. I feel a little worn down but not terrible. I could go to sleep right now. Maybe I'll just chill out on the couch for a bit? I'm kinda just tired right now.
Last night I had chicken and asparagus which was tasty and satisfying. I ate my breadstick for a snack and sat down to watch tv. Food has always been present in front of the tv, as I'm sure with most homes, but last night I didn't have a craving to stuff my face with crap while watching Game of Thrones so I have to say that's a success so far!
This morning, woke up to pee, took my drops, and checked the scale: 221.6#!! That's 2lbs in a day! :) I'm hoping for 2 more overnight as I've peed just as much today as I did yesterday. I might get excited more tomorrow morning if I see another 2 lb drop. Might. I'm still thinking this could be just a scam and I'm starving myself slowly. I was just so hungry this morning and this afternoon! No headaches, though.
For lunch I cooked veal at home, packaged it up with some cucumbers, and a breadstick in my MLP lunchbox. I also cut up an apple and ate it on my way to the barn. Also, it's a good thing I have a giant coffee mug to take green tea with me, but I found I drank it too fast and had to fill it up with water. I was just so hungry that I kept drinking! I hope that hunger feeling goes away tomorrow. Where's the feeling of "euphoria" as described in Pounds & Inches? I'm kicking myself in the ass for not drinking that cream as Linda advised on the YourHCG boards on facebook. I will remember to really, REALLY load up next time.
I had more chocolate sauce and strawberries for a snack today. I thought I'm safe if I had a 2lb drop from yesterday. It was just so good to have chocolate that it made me feel better! I was less hungry for dinner.
Just ate dinner of asparagus and white fish, tilapia with this really good seasoning I found at Aldi's today.
I almost forgot to take a picture for today but took one after a few bites into dinner.
I just ate a bit ago but my tummy says I'm hungry still. I feel a little worn down but not terrible. I could go to sleep right now. Maybe I'll just chill out on the couch for a bit? I'm kinda just tired right now.
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