Depressed! When you see the scale for the first time in years and it's quite a bit more that what it was the last time your weighed yourself, yeah...sad, pathetic, horrific, unexpected, and nauseating! To say the very least. I'm going to have to do 2 rounds to get down to my healthy weight. :( I didn't realize how much I let myself go in the last few months, years, etc. As much as it pains me to see my numbers, at least now I have a plan of action, a time frame, and ideas to get me where I need to go.
It's time to stop crying into food over my weight and finally take control. I can do it. I have goals, a plan, and willpower to get through this. By next year at this time, all of this will be a very painful yet distant memory. It has to be! I can't keep living like this, feeling like a completely different person on the inside than what I want to be on the outside. If I fall into that hole, that very deep, dark hole, I'm not sure I'll crawl out again. It's swallowed me a few times this year. I almost didn't make it, really. I've come close a few times wondering what was valuable in my life, wondering if I even have a future, let alone one with happiness in it. It's hard going through what I've been through and no one really understands the lack of support from my family, my friends, and the boy. I've been the loneliest I have ever been in my entire life and still feel all alone now, but I've got a goal. My chin is up, my tears are dry, and I. CAN. DO. THIS! I have to try my hardest and be my stubbornest!!
And it's time to take my drops.
Oh, my weight, yeah...not proud but my starting weight is 225.4# Measurements are as follows: Waist: 46in, Bust: 47in, Hips: 45in, Rt.Arm: 15.5in, Lft.Arm: 16in, both Legs: 27in
*sigh*
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