So the weekend was okay but I drank too much wine. I didn't eat anything I wasn't supposed to in phase 3 but I gained 3lbs. :( I was very disappointed as it will take me the rest of this week to MAYBE get rid of that 3 lbs I gained in 2 days! I wanted to be done and down to 200lbs this week but I might have to sit at 210 for 6 more weeks! I am just so pissed with myself and with this stupid program!
Or why am I freaking out about 3 lbs? Maybe if I would have suffered over the weekend and stuck to the plan I would have been DOWN 3 more lbs and closer to my goal? It just wasn't that great of a weekend and I feel like I missed out, I guess.
The friends that I thought were friends didn't feel like it and I didn't have fun like I was hoping and like I did last year. I felt fat, out of place, disgusting, and different. Friends aren't supposed to judge you, I know, but I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. I also had mini freak outs being around people I didn't know as well as being in a crowded space. I kept getting cold sweats down my spine and a sense of panic when I didn't have room around me. I would walk out of the room and leave and I was okay. I was also okay with a few friends but as soon as more than 5 people showed up chatting, I had to leave. I didn't realize I was becoming agoraphobic but I guess that's what it is.
I have a lot more to deal with than just my weight.
Showing posts with label weigh in. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weigh in. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day 9 VLCD
Today has been better than yesterday. Hunger pains are about gone and I'm feeling almost 100%. I think that 7 drops a day dosage is working and if I don't improve in 2 days, I'm backing down the dosage.
Yesterday was an interesting experience. I wanted to get a blender to make smoothies, just to give me something else to curb the craving of ice cream and such. So I went to Walmart, got the blender then thought I'd look around for some extracts but ended up walking down every isle practically drooling at all the food I couldn't have. It was almost hysterical in an insane kind of way as I looked at cookies, nope, can't have those. Then chips, nope can't have those! To salad dressings and really, REALLY wanting ranch dressing! I had a mental image of myself sprawled on my back in the middle of isle 12 in Walmart, covered in opened boxes of crackers, cookies, and croutons, covered in ranch dressing and passed out!
Then I sighed, counted to ten, let my tummy rumble as I picked up some apples and cilantro and headed for the counter.
Now, I don't know about ya'll, but for some reason my Walmart has 20 billion lanes with only 2 regular ones open and 1 ten item or less and 1 20 item or less opened! Annoying, especially when I was about to have a carb attack!
As I waited and watched this uber thin woman in front of me, maybe about my age, with one kid on her hip and another in her shopping cart I started to sweat. I tried not to look at the candy and focused on how I wanted to be like this chick in front of me when I have kids one day. I grabbed a bottled water while waiting and really debated opening it up before I got to the register. My back was getting hot and sticky as I could smell the chocolate candy in front of me! My sense of smell has improved 10 fold. Like when I noticed it after quitting smoking, too, but this makes it worse because I can't HAVE anything! UGH.
Regardless of my mild attack, I made it out of Walmart only slightly dizzy and to my car where I downed the whole water bottle. I felt better.
I get home and opened my new blender, cleaned it out, tossed in some strawberries, powdered stevia, and a tiny bit of coconut extract and HEAVEN!
The ice was perfect smoothy/slushy mixture and it tasted like a strawberry pina colada! I really, really needed that!
Here's the awesome Ninja blender I got:
Pretty cheap and it has a blender part and a little mixing bowl part if you want to do some food processing. I'll probably make my salsa in it tomorrow but I just wanted it for the ice chopping!
Oh, yes, my weight for the day is 216.8 which is a -1.4lb drop overnight. :) I'm pretty happy about that. :D
Lunch yesterday was tilapia on a bed of spinach and dinner was cajun style shrimp with raw celery. I didn't know how much celery to have, so I just grabbed like 5 stalks. I was hungry by dinner!
Today's lunch was veal on the go and cucumbers with my apple for breakfast and my usual cup of coffee. I did stop at Mustard Seed Market which is this big, fancy, slightly pretentious organic food store and got some Vanilla Creme liquid stevia.
(which was $14 btw! WTH? Too expensive!) I'm going to try it in my coffee tomorrow as everyone says it's great in coffee. I think I might try it in a strawberry smoothie for my snack today.
Some random things I was thinking about this HCG diet as I was driving around today: I'm on a birth control called Reclipsen which allows me to skip my periods up to 3 in a row so I don't have to worry about that dreaded "time of the month" like most women. I'm happy about that!
I adjusted my drops up 1 extra drop per dose, but people say to decrease your drops if you're feeling ick. If I am after this weekend, I'm dropping them down to 5 drops 6 times a day.
I'm drinking only coffee, water, and my slushy today. No green tea. I want to see how it effects me with out the green tea. Tomorrow I'll drink it again, but someone said on the forums you want the majority of your liquids to be just plain water.
I noticed a difference in how I looked today when I was going to the bathroom in the store. I can see it gone in my belly, with my sides and top belly fat shrinking and my boobs. Would love to get the fat off my arms, soon. Legs, I can cover them as it's not terrible. I have muscular legs from all the walking and dancing I've done. I am looking forward to taking more dance lessons as soon as I can. Also, I need to read up how long I should be on P3 before I jump into round 2. Or do I have to do P3 and P4? (adding of more foods then adding of sugars and starches) I need to figure that out. I updated my ticker all the way at the bottom of this blog...10.6 pounds lost and 57 to go. I'm going to be happy when I at least get this 34lbs off. A few more weeks, maybe?
Yesterday was an interesting experience. I wanted to get a blender to make smoothies, just to give me something else to curb the craving of ice cream and such. So I went to Walmart, got the blender then thought I'd look around for some extracts but ended up walking down every isle practically drooling at all the food I couldn't have. It was almost hysterical in an insane kind of way as I looked at cookies, nope, can't have those. Then chips, nope can't have those! To salad dressings and really, REALLY wanting ranch dressing! I had a mental image of myself sprawled on my back in the middle of isle 12 in Walmart, covered in opened boxes of crackers, cookies, and croutons, covered in ranch dressing and passed out!
Then I sighed, counted to ten, let my tummy rumble as I picked up some apples and cilantro and headed for the counter.
Now, I don't know about ya'll, but for some reason my Walmart has 20 billion lanes with only 2 regular ones open and 1 ten item or less and 1 20 item or less opened! Annoying, especially when I was about to have a carb attack!
As I waited and watched this uber thin woman in front of me, maybe about my age, with one kid on her hip and another in her shopping cart I started to sweat. I tried not to look at the candy and focused on how I wanted to be like this chick in front of me when I have kids one day. I grabbed a bottled water while waiting and really debated opening it up before I got to the register. My back was getting hot and sticky as I could smell the chocolate candy in front of me! My sense of smell has improved 10 fold. Like when I noticed it after quitting smoking, too, but this makes it worse because I can't HAVE anything! UGH.
Regardless of my mild attack, I made it out of Walmart only slightly dizzy and to my car where I downed the whole water bottle. I felt better.
I get home and opened my new blender, cleaned it out, tossed in some strawberries, powdered stevia, and a tiny bit of coconut extract and HEAVEN!
The ice was perfect smoothy/slushy mixture and it tasted like a strawberry pina colada! I really, really needed that!
Here's the awesome Ninja blender I got:
Oh, yes, my weight for the day is 216.8 which is a -1.4lb drop overnight. :) I'm pretty happy about that. :D
Lunch yesterday was tilapia on a bed of spinach and dinner was cajun style shrimp with raw celery. I didn't know how much celery to have, so I just grabbed like 5 stalks. I was hungry by dinner!
Today's lunch was veal on the go and cucumbers with my apple for breakfast and my usual cup of coffee. I did stop at Mustard Seed Market which is this big, fancy, slightly pretentious organic food store and got some Vanilla Creme liquid stevia.
Some random things I was thinking about this HCG diet as I was driving around today: I'm on a birth control called Reclipsen which allows me to skip my periods up to 3 in a row so I don't have to worry about that dreaded "time of the month" like most women. I'm happy about that!
I adjusted my drops up 1 extra drop per dose, but people say to decrease your drops if you're feeling ick. If I am after this weekend, I'm dropping them down to 5 drops 6 times a day.
I'm drinking only coffee, water, and my slushy today. No green tea. I want to see how it effects me with out the green tea. Tomorrow I'll drink it again, but someone said on the forums you want the majority of your liquids to be just plain water.
I noticed a difference in how I looked today when I was going to the bathroom in the store. I can see it gone in my belly, with my sides and top belly fat shrinking and my boobs. Would love to get the fat off my arms, soon. Legs, I can cover them as it's not terrible. I have muscular legs from all the walking and dancing I've done. I am looking forward to taking more dance lessons as soon as I can. Also, I need to read up how long I should be on P3 before I jump into round 2. Or do I have to do P3 and P4? (adding of more foods then adding of sugars and starches) I need to figure that out. I updated my ticker all the way at the bottom of this blog...10.6 pounds lost and 57 to go. I'm going to be happy when I at least get this 34lbs off. A few more weeks, maybe?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Now that's depressing.
Day 1 on the HCG protocol with my drops, weigh in, measurements taken, took first pictures, and started loading up.
Depressed! When you see the scale for the first time in years and it's quite a bit more that what it was the last time your weighed yourself, yeah...sad, pathetic, horrific, unexpected, and nauseating! To say the very least. I'm going to have to do 2 rounds to get down to my healthy weight. :( I didn't realize how much I let myself go in the last few months, years, etc. As much as it pains me to see my numbers, at least now I have a plan of action, a time frame, and ideas to get me where I need to go.
It's time to stop crying into food over my weight and finally take control. I can do it. I have goals, a plan, and willpower to get through this. By next year at this time, all of this will be a very painful yet distant memory. It has to be! I can't keep living like this, feeling like a completely different person on the inside than what I want to be on the outside. If I fall into that hole, that very deep, dark hole, I'm not sure I'll crawl out again. It's swallowed me a few times this year. I almost didn't make it, really. I've come close a few times wondering what was valuable in my life, wondering if I even have a future, let alone one with happiness in it. It's hard going through what I've been through and no one really understands the lack of support from my family, my friends, and the boy. I've been the loneliest I have ever been in my entire life and still feel all alone now, but I've got a goal. My chin is up, my tears are dry, and I. CAN. DO. THIS! I have to try my hardest and be my stubbornest!!
And it's time to take my drops.
Oh, my weight, yeah...not proud but my starting weight is 225.4# Measurements are as follows: Waist: 46in, Bust: 47in, Hips: 45in, Rt.Arm: 15.5in, Lft.Arm: 16in, both Legs: 27in
*sigh*
Depressed! When you see the scale for the first time in years and it's quite a bit more that what it was the last time your weighed yourself, yeah...sad, pathetic, horrific, unexpected, and nauseating! To say the very least. I'm going to have to do 2 rounds to get down to my healthy weight. :( I didn't realize how much I let myself go in the last few months, years, etc. As much as it pains me to see my numbers, at least now I have a plan of action, a time frame, and ideas to get me where I need to go.
It's time to stop crying into food over my weight and finally take control. I can do it. I have goals, a plan, and willpower to get through this. By next year at this time, all of this will be a very painful yet distant memory. It has to be! I can't keep living like this, feeling like a completely different person on the inside than what I want to be on the outside. If I fall into that hole, that very deep, dark hole, I'm not sure I'll crawl out again. It's swallowed me a few times this year. I almost didn't make it, really. I've come close a few times wondering what was valuable in my life, wondering if I even have a future, let alone one with happiness in it. It's hard going through what I've been through and no one really understands the lack of support from my family, my friends, and the boy. I've been the loneliest I have ever been in my entire life and still feel all alone now, but I've got a goal. My chin is up, my tears are dry, and I. CAN. DO. THIS! I have to try my hardest and be my stubbornest!!
And it's time to take my drops.
Oh, my weight, yeah...not proud but my starting weight is 225.4# Measurements are as follows: Waist: 46in, Bust: 47in, Hips: 45in, Rt.Arm: 15.5in, Lft.Arm: 16in, both Legs: 27in
*sigh*
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